Don't worry

Do not be afraid. Turn to the side and breathe in His peace. No need to worry. Don’t worry.  Wherever you are, God is with you – He is the one that carried Israel, the one who brought about Jesus and knew exactly how, when, and why everything was going to happen. He knew how to get to me at the right time. Wait on Him. In the meantime, He loves you, he gave up his baby boy for you. Jesus had compassion so great and knew people’s hearts – don’t you think He knows yours? If you’re wrong and need correction, go get it. If you’re right, you will prevail, because justice always prevails. The Father  feeds the birds and clothes the flowers – don’t you think He’ll take care of you? If we give our kids food and not rocks or hazards, don’t you think He’d also give us food and the best kind for us? We know what we want, He knows what we need. Do not be afraid. He is with you. You can receive His peace, pray for it. “Don’t worry, don’t worry, don’t worry”  – quiet whispers calm me. 

                Be still and know that I am God.  – psalm 46:10

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ps did i even write this? I found this in the "writing" directory on my computer. supposedly i wrote it on 1/8/2014, not too long ago.. and some of the words seem like stuff i have thought but i dont really remember writing it. so maybe it really was divinely inspired

Never left nor forsaken

God, thank You for holding me

In Your arms, like Amy holds Oliver

Thank You, because You will never leave us

Nor forsake us.

Thank You because walk through us

Literally, by pumping blood to our muscles and giving them strength

And spiritually, by transforming our hearts and minds.

That You walk with us, side by side

Through our fears and aches

Through our joys and excitements

At the end of the day, who can I turn to?

The One that will not leave me nor forsake me.

I thank You that You cry our tears

And You’re in our corner,

and You got our back

I thank You that You comfort us

“Come, be my child,”  You say

And I surrender to Your loving arms

I want to be in Your presense, Your beloved

Always and forever.

“Will you trust me?” You ask

I come running back

Perfect love drives out fear, if we receive it

Let me be Your blessed one, here, and there, and everywhere

One year ago, I asked “what does it mean to love God?”

Now, I write Him praises

I understand, He will never leave me

Neither in life nor in death

“We are the lucky ones,” Lecrae says

“And you give us second chances, when we throw our hands up”.

We are the blessed ones

The ones He wants to hold in His arms, whom He will never forsake.

Thank You, God, that You don’t forget us,

Never reject us,

Never neglect us.

Thank You for giving me Your shoulder to rest my head on

And snuggle up against.

Thank You for the warmth You’ve placed in my heart

And that You never gave up on me.

As I grow older, I realize it more and more

I am Your child. 

Work

Stuffy, buttoned up, bad posture,

New hair styles, rare eye contact

Reclining in modern office chairs, but far from relaxed

We are hungry, we are weak,

We are monotone and bleak

We wear the right shirts,

And we say the right words,

Day after day

But not in the right voice,

And with only half of the right heart.

We dish out advice that someone should give us

I make a living loving people,

Supposedly helping them to repair their lives

The work is God’s, the work is good

But I would be lying if I said there aren’t times

Where my own preoccupations and questions aren’t at the center of my mind

Leaving the clients in second place

Am I really God’s instrument?

We gather round and complain

Roll our eyes and turn to our cellphones, to text or call others as an escape

We sigh and grow older

Billable hour after billable hour,

Weeks and months and quarters of appointments and units of productivity gone by

Is life wasted, or is this the only way to live?

Are we in the same rat race as corporate America, disguised as the fresh and new alternative?

We hold babies, and nag the ones on whom we depend

Make jokes out of our fears,

Send out inspiration and avoid checking our emails

Advocating self-care and neglecting ourselves.

I have been putting off scheduling a physical and seeing a dentist for over a year.

We teach about God’s faithfulness but don’t call back the folks who  test ours.

Have we lost the hope, the spark, the Life in the work?

Where are the fruits of the spirit?

Are we all jaded?

Overbooked with people, yet lonely

Busy, yet bored and useless

Barely grasping the hope

And allowing it to slip out of our hands as we rush off?

 Or is it just me?

We eat big blown up fruit with little nutrients

And give big blown up greetings with little substance

How can we stop being busy and start being?

And start hoping instead of teaching hope?

How can we love with our hearts and every fiber of our being

Instead of just officially?

Nobody knows

    

Nobody knows what you would have said, but held back

Nobody knows what silent struggles their neighbors have overcome

Nobody knows how many accidents have been prevented,

How many deaths you would have experienced but didn’t

How many times our lives could have been overturned

Nobody knows what cancers they didn’t get

Or who didn’t break their hearts because they didn’t meet

Nobody knows how much hatred and insecurity we hide behind our fronts

Nobody knows what would have happened if they took Irving street instead of Harvard to get to Michigan Ave that one night

Nobody knows the worlds we make up in our minds

Nobody knows the tomorrow that may have been

Nobody knows what beauty they would have experienced in life

But didn’t,

So there would be space for the one that was intended to be.

Spring is coming.

It’s me, myself and I ,

And some South African wine,

On the brown leather couch that Megan so graciously donated.

The indoor air is warm enough,

But it is too quiet.

I will accept it;

I can do all things through God who strengthens me.

 

Spring is coming,

And soon enough weeks will have rushed past,

If the globe keeps turning as it has been,

February will soon be gone, like many months before it.

 

Another gray day, but spring is coming

Cutting through between winter and summer

Like a train track  pierces through a landscape

Spring is coming.

Take that as you will.

Remember that time?

While chatting with an old friend the other night, I offhandedly mentioned that I've grown a gray hair or two since we last saw each other. I tried to point out their location to him and, by vain instinct, I started to light-heartedly lament their existence.

Before I could continue on though, my friend had to stop me in my tracks.

The first thing he said was, "Good!"

I gave him a quizzical look back.

Again, he said, "Good!" Then he added, "Wisdom! That means you're gaining wisdom."

* * *

Experience is the best teacher as the saying goes.

When I turned 28 a few weeks ago, I certainly gave thought to how I'm now truly on the back-end of my 20's, but I didn't really pause to reflect on it.

The conversation about my silver streaks got me thinking though.

* * *

I've got this book on my nightstand that has a really cheesy cover graphic. It's a picture of an egg being held in a mechanical C-clamp that's pinching the shell along its long edge. The book's title is "You're Stronger Than You Think," an homage to an egg's surprising strength when stressed from top to bottom. Eggs are much sturdier than they appear!

The theme of the book is discovering your inner-strength that comes from knowing God.

Recently, something clicked in my head and I've suddenly gained a similar swagger to that resilient egg on the book cover. (Sir Sheldon, I’ll call him.)

* * *

Like most almost-30's, I've been through various ordeals that are almost rites of passage for us all. I've had hardship with my family. I've had the experience of getting my heart pulverized by someone special. I've had mental and physical tribulations. I've had trials with school and work. And then there were all the random disappointments too.

Yet in light of how God was with me through all that and how He got me through it, and considering who He is for me , I'm learning to appreciate those hard times more and more.

Lately, life has put me in some tight spots, but I've been able to recall God's faithfulness and I've been saying this one particular phrase to encourage myself: "I've been in this situation before."

I've been using that line like trash talk too, using it to take a snipe at the original hater, Satan, who wants me to believe the lies that I'll crumble under the pressure. When Satan tries to get me to focus on my "daunting" circumstances, I just say, "I've been in this situation before."

I’ve also been using it to reassure myself when an earthly problem starts to look imposing. "I've been in this situation before." It has a calming effect on me and helps me to refocus on what God is doing.

* * *

Five years ago, I didn't have any of these stiff gray strands. But I also hadn't been in a lot of situations before.

So like my friend said about my decaying hair, “Good! Wisdom!”

Thank you notes

Cross-post from my new blog at katiemurchisonross.blogspot.com. I thought this fits in the Hyattsville conversation too. :)

I finally just finished writing all the thank you notes from wedding gifts. Although it gets tedious, and although it probably didn't need to take me two and a half months, I was trying to remember with each sentence, each card, each envelope, that it is truly a blessing to have had so many wonderful people in my life that it takes me ten weeks to thank all of them.

Everyone's gifts, from handmade to generously-given cash and gift cards, were beautiful. Two gifts touched me in particular, both from old friends of my mother who I've not seen in years and who were not invited to the wedding.

One was from a family who took care of me in the 1980s. In the letter, they explained that they took me home on Sunday mornings after the early church service and took care of me while my mother played the organ and my father sang in the choir (and my mother added they never let her pay for their babysitting). Apparently they would often make waffles for Sunday brunch, and were amazed at the amount that I, as a two year old, could eat. When they heard that I was getting married, they all decided I should have my own waffle iron complete with their long-tested waffle recipe. Of course, I have no memory of any of this, and after we moved in 1989, saw them only a handful of times in the 1990s.

The other was a simple gift of an apron and dish cloths from an old French couple who befriended my mother when she was a college student studying in Aix-en-Provence in southern France. We lived in Paris for a year when I was three, and visited them often during that time. Over the years, their grandchildren would come to stay with us for  couple months in the summer to practice English, and my brother stayed with them for a few weeks to practice French. I myself never went, though our family returned to France and visited their home in 1996. I was happy and touched to receive their gift in the mail a few weeks before the wedding. Then the day before the wedding, in the middle of assembling flowers and putting together lunch for the 15 people who were at our house helping/visiting, the phone rang. I answered. It was Charles, the old man. He told me in a mixture of French and English, how happy he was for me and that he wished me the greatest joy and blessings on my wedding day, that he was praying for us, that he knew God's love would sustain us. I bumbled some thank-yous, understanding his French but unable to respond, and returned to the kitchen where my bridesmaids had finished assembling lunch. As I sat down at the kitchen table, I couldn't stop crying. Of course I was very emotional that day for many reasons, but I was completely surprised at my own reaction to a man I hadn't seen in fifteen years and didn't know very well. I didn't know why I reacted so strongly.

Now I know. Not only have I been blessed by the love of many wonderful people throughout my life, but it started even before that. There are many special people who have been in my life since childhood, or high school, or college. Hopefully they'll be in my life a long time. But there are people who've been in my mother's life for decades. And people who have loved her since 1972 love me too. And it is not only throughout my life that I've been shown love. At my birth I was already surrounded by the love that my parents had cultivated and given throughout their lives. It's an ever-expanding, international community of friendship and generosity and love, and I was overcome by it.